Cranberry

My daughter just ate a fresh (well, fresh out of the freshly opened bag) cranberry.

No. I unfortunately did not have my camera ready.

Now, I like cranberry juice. I like cranberries in cake-breads. I like cranberry sauce too.

But who the hell was the first person to eat a 'second' cranberry?

If I tried a cranberry...'in the wild' ....like back in prehistoric Massachusetts. I most certainly would not have grabbed another one to eat. I would probably be trying to file off the taste left on my tongue on the bark of the nearest tree, or scrubbing it off with some lichen.

So was this a delicacy that the early European settlers in The New World, enjoyed? Something that they ate at the first Thanksgiving. Hmmm? Now I'm betting that the native americans (ya know, the folks that were here first) probably used them for medicinal reasons or perhaps used cranberries to make dyes for clothing etc. But eat them? Doubt it. Don't think they had an abundance of sugar back then to make cranberries palatable.

I bet I know what happened.

It was a 'Let's Play A Trick On The Foreigner' gag. Some 'Indian' gave a gullible Pilgrim a cranberry and said "Try this. It's good" (Then elbowed his buddies and whispered "watch this! You think his face was funny before!!") After the spluttering and laughter died down the indian probably continued with what would equate to what today is known as A Man Walks Into A Bar-joke. Which may have started "A Pilgrim Walked Into A Longhouse"

Anyways...I think us eating cranberries today is just a fluke of nature. Eating wild berries is supposed to help clean out the gene pool isn't it? Keeps village idiots from becoming the leader, and such. Eat a yucky berry....get very sick and almost die. Stupid enough to eat two of them...well this should be a no-brainer. So what's the deal with the cranberry. It is obviously a failure as a measure to keep the idiot population in check, so it must have some medicinal value .(oh yeah, UTIs)

But I'll eat some cranberry sauce tomorrow for sure.

Time Flies When You're Having Fun.

"Fun's my Chinese neighbor's middle name!" - from the movie Rocketman

(If you've never seen Rocketman go rent it. That one is very funny, as is Rat Race)

So it's been almost a month since I've posted here. Some may think this means there's a wealth of witticism boiling up inside of me. Others realize that I can't even spell witicism wright.

Anyways...been preoccupied with playing video games. Been playing Champions of Norrath Return to Arms on the PS2. Yeah, nothing really important has been keeping me from being a boring middle aged pundit except from sloth and video game addiction. :-)

Not much has been happening here. Went and saw some Tall Ships that were visiting on the eastern shore and took some pictures that I'll eventually post up here (after I get my shadow night dark elf up to level 77 of course...um, where was I...)

Went to parent teacher conferences this week. Got affirmations from professionals that my kids indeed walk on water and can sheer sheep with only their minds. Brought them to the mall and let them get something cool for good grades. Of course the little one did cause us some distress a bit this week. She was at home and the rest of us went out for lunch (yes, she's old enough to be left at home) and then we get this frantic call from her that Emergency Services just called her and they're on their way. Lovely...I just sat down with my plate of Chinese food. So we race home and get their with a police patrol car outside. Apparently she (or the phone somehow magically by itself) called 911. We luckily got home before they got approval to bust the door down...and I had to diffuse the 'you're in so much trouble young lady' situation.

Then tonight my older daughter gets some weird back spasm that causes her lots of pain to even stand. Many hot pads later she's better.

Oh and I got a haircut. Always try to get a haircut three times a year, whether I need one or not.

By this time you're no doubt wishing I'd have kept away from the blog for even longer.

Hey did you see that new TV show called "Stacked"? It's about a book store and has Pamela Anderson. Thought it was going to be stupid but was actually pretty funny. Noticed that the word 'stacked' can also refer to a woman with large breasts (Pamela Anderson) and not just piles of books. Did anybody else pick up on that? I wonder if it was intentional.

Have any of you guys out there ever noticed this weird thing.... This is probably only relative to guys with size 11 shoes or higher. Yeah, tall guys. Okay there's a certain percentage of woman who feel that penis size is directly related to shoe size. It only takes that first time, when announcing your shoe size at the bowling alley to rent shoes, that you get that sultry knowing nodding smile from a strange woman that says a multitude of things silently. So any of you guys with big feet....head to the bowling alley because I'm certain that each alley has several women who stake the place out looking for big, eh, feet.

Condoleeza Rice (...was she originally gonna just be a "Lisa" but her parents REALLY loved their new Condo?) this week said something along the lines of 'the differences can be your strength in Iraq'. Okay, well perhaps if you'd been taught since you were a small child that each individual has certain unalienable rights and that all men are created equal. I don't think this is exactly the tender racial and ethnic teachings that were imbued in the folks in Iraq. Do you think that perhaps the reason that these folks weren't constantly at each others throats was the fact that they had one big bad-ass of a dictator that was going to staplegun their naughty bits to their foreheads, or worse, if they started said bullshit. Yes I think it was. Don't think Rice's 'can't we all be friends and we'll all be stronger if we embrace our cultural differences' really falls into line with the reality over there. Anyways...any words expressing hope, trust, or equality to me are nullified by the villainous way we treat prisoners, detainees, and the general populace over there. Unfortunately we can't step in any "Way Back Machine" (man, that's dating me ain't it Peabody?) and make things go away. We'll be there for decades.

Is anyone else out there afflicted with Orverms? Okay, it's a German word and I'd don't know how to spell it and am far to lazy to google it. It means "ear worm" and refers to a song that's stuck in your head. For years and years I have been afflicted by several nasty orverms, usually just upon waking. Some of my more persistent ones include 'Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah....working on the old railroad...', 'Round the mulberry bush', and the dreadful 70s song 'Seasons in the Sun'. Most of these orverms dissipate after several hours after waking, some after simply drinking a strong cup of coffee. This week a new ear invader accosted me, more deadly than even the 'I'm a little teacup' orverm. Yes, you guessed it. It was the "Where is Thumbkin?" orverm. This one didn't dissipate all day and has been afflicting me for going on 3 days. I'm about ready to try expresso. Am I paying back karma somehow? Was I some terrible lounge-act bard in the middle ages? Did I unknowingly piss off some magical person who cursed me? (Okay, as far as curses can go...I'm glad I pissed of a Pee Wee Herman type instead of an Ozzy Ozbourne type though...). Is there a clinical diagnosis for this? Maybe it's a tumor? (Pause)
(Yeah you heard Arnold respond too, didn't you?...'it's not a toomuh!!') Anyways...hope those of you with similar afflictions can find relief.

That Smokey the Bear commercial is on now. Yeah ya know the one. Guy goes camping out in the woods all by himself (says a lot about his dating skills) and is dancing to his ipod or something. And he's about to leave a burning fire and walk off. And Smokey just stands there and clears his throat. I want to see the commercial when Smokey goes up and clubs this goober on the head with a shovel. Maybe a "Don't Get Smokey Pissed" by-line would work in well. Hey, you could even hear Smokey putting out the fire in the background. Yeah that would work.

I know they make flavored lip gloss and Chapstick-like stuff, vanilla, strawberry, mint, etc. But does anyone really like kissing someone whose lips feel like a candle that's been left out in the sun too long? Perhaps those folks that love to kiss tubs of margarine might. don't know. But yeah, it's the season for chapped lips so I guess we'll be seeing more of this again.

(very well I thank-you. run away run away)

I saw a goofy gadget the other day. It was in a Sharper Image store. It was an air purifier that you hung around your neck. So you can sanitize your air when you ride in a taxi, ride a plane, etc. I doubt these things work well ...but if I had one I'd be sure to also invest in one of those solar-powered pith helmets that have the fan in the front of the visor. Might even but on some orange-flavored lip balm for the occasion.

Anybody ever watch Trading Spouses? Where they trade wives for a week. (Isn't this against the law? lol) Well they had a real crazy one this last week. Might be fun to think of folks you know and imagine them playing the game. haha. Okay, well maybe it might not be all that much fun. I want that show to run a special Utah episode.

Well I'm going to end this bizarre post now. I've either ran out of things to say or need to pee, you can discuss this at your leisure for the rest of the evening.